tears in heaven

*half eaten*

Seriously, holiday is killing me. I feel like i'm a totally useless person. Doing the same thing everyday, being out of touch with friends, eating like a pig, going to sleep at 2 or 3 o'clock in the morning and waking up at 12 or 1 o'clock in the afternoon, and so on. I'm tired with this routine. I wish i could just sleep 24 hours straight for like a week? a month? Yes, until i get something and meaningful things to do. The holiday is boring me to death  yet i don't want the new class to start. You know, i'm not ready, being a junior in the Senior High School. they say high school is always meaningful, joyful, tearful. They say it's the time where we are forced to face the problems, full of drama (they say), some of them tell me that senior high school is the most tiring, it's when we change, and so do our friends. We'll get new friends. this. This is what i'm worrying about. for the people who are not close to me, fyi, i'm always afraid to talk to a new people, a stranger. I'm a type of person who won't start a conversation first. It's not that i don't want to socialize. I really want to. but when it comes to introducing, starting to talk, and so on, i start getting nervous. What if i say something weird, something wrong and something unacceptable?

I'm wondering how my senior high school life will be. Tell me what to do. What if my friends and i are all separated? What if i can't make friends? What if i don't have anyone to do things together? WHAT THE FFFFF....ROOOOGG am i thinking! I know a thing about myself, i don't need a best friends, i just need a sincere friend, in the real life. 


For the ones who read this, might think that i'm selfish, boring or whatever. I'm now saying that there's a t*****r who likes to say that i'm arrogant. I kept thinking if what she said were true. I didn't know if she was trying to bring me down or judging me. Until one day i decided not to let it keep bothering me. Why didn't i just ignore her from the beginning. I wish she reads this and realizes that i'm talking about her,here. fyi, i'm thankful for you existence.

xx.